读朋友的feedback读的心潮澎湃、热血沸腾，指出我proposal的优点缺点都一针见血，comment质量又极高，一边读一边感慨 ”这脑子也太好用了🥹”

于是我又悟了：当1+1<2只有无意义的内卷内斗消耗的时候，不如自己做自己的单打独斗 (虽然being academic orphan自由又孤独）；但是1+1(+1…)是可以>100的，对人的硬件软件要求都比较高，并且还需要有高度信任…

好想在这些未来大佬起飞前就锁死… 我要创建一个无敌的collaboration network, 每个人既independent又interdependent, complement with complementary expertise, 最好又懂合作, 直接上consortium/synergy grant 的玩法，这才是academia的正确打开方式啊

Reading a friend's feedback made me feel so stirred and energized. They identified the strengths and weaknesses of my proposal with such precision, and the comments were of such high quality that I kept thinking, "This brain is way too useful 🥹"

And then I had another realization: when 1 + 1 < 2, when collaboration becomes nothing but meaningless competition, conflict, and depletion, it may be better to work alone (although being an academic orphan is both free and lonely). But 1 + 1 (+1...) can also be >100. That requires very strong hardware and software in people, and also a high level of trust...

I really want to lock in these future big shots before they take off... I want to build an invincible collaboration network, where everyone is both independent and interdependent, complementing one another with complementary expertise, and ideally also understanding how to collaborate. Straight into the consortium/synergy grant mode. This is the correct way to unlock academia.

Curiosity for its own sake? Publish or perish!

Richard Feynman once quipped that “Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it.” It is a line that captures a spirit many of us once believed academia embodied: a space where curiosity for its own sake—where the joy of understanding the world—was justification in itself.

That spirit feels increasingly distant nowadays. Today, scientific work is celebrated less for the truths it uncovers and more for the deliverables it produces: the papers, indicators, citations, grants, the “outputs” that populate CVs. Curiosity—the simple, unguarded desire to know—has been eclipsed by a more utilitarian logic. If Feynman saw science as an intrinsic act of wonder, today’s academic culture frames it instead as a performance of productivity.

This shift is understandable. In a world governed by “publish or perish,” survival depends on meeting quantifiable expectations. Early- and mid-career researchers see quickly that although curiosity inspires a project, it is productivity that secures a contract; that although discovery may be noble, it is deliverability that is rewarded. “Curiosity for its own sake” is increasingly replaced by a more strategic question: Will it count?

Yet something essential is lost when curiosity becomes subordinated to metrics. Integrity is harder to uphold when research is less shaped by curiosity and more by strategic calculations. We begin to optimize for speed over depth, story over accuracy, visibility over substance. And slowly, almost imperceptibly, the values that defined scholarship—honesty, humanism, epistemic humility—start to feel like luxuries rather than guides.

这两天都在审稿，能读出别人写作不行的时候我就知道我进步了，来分享点心得—
抛开内容不谈，学术写作最重要的是叙事逻辑（全文得有个整体框架，参考Hourglass model以及头尾呼应，除此之外每个section乃至每个段落都有逻辑，层层嵌套重点又明晰）；
然后是flow, language style，这个对我们非母语人士比较难，无捷径唯多读多写练习是尔，也很感谢这些年导师高质量的feedback下高强度的训练，现在AI一定程度上降低了门槛；
再然后terminology，一个caveat是我们作为自己领域的专家很容易默认读者跟我们有一样的背景知识，然后上来就扔术语还不解释，或者一堆类似的术语混着用…

现在理解为什么写作不行会直接导致拒稿了，是真的影响阅读兴致和体验。我觉得吧，与其抱大腿享受别人的写作，不如慢慢提高自己的写作水平，授人以鱼不如授人以渔，共勉～
These days I’ve been reviewing papers. The moment I can tell when someone’s writing doesn’t work, I realize I’ve made progress myself. A few thoughts—
Beyond content, the most important aspect of academic writing is narrative logic: a clear overall framework (think Hourglass model, with an opening and closing that echo each other). Each section, even each paragraph, should have its own logic—nested layers, yet with clarity.
Then comes flow and language style. For non-native speakers this is tough, with no shortcuts—only reading and writing extensively, and I’m grateful for the years of intense training and high-quality feedback from my supervisors. Nowadays, AI lowers the barrier a little.

And then terminology. A caveat is that, as domain experts, we often assume readers share our background knowledge. We throw around jargon without explanation, or mix several similar terms together…
Now I understand why poor writing leads directly to rejection: it really affects the reader’s interest and experience. Better than leaning on others’ strong writing is to slowly improve my own. Better to teach one to fish than to give a fish. 共勉～

时间是不存在的，年龄是一种被定义出来虚妄的概念，生命是由体验、感悟、认知的深度和宽度构成。有人在世俗世界对目标成就的追逐中感受自己的存在，有人在精神世界的探索和认知的延伸中感受自己的存在，有人在灯红酒绿人间烟火的欢愉中感受自己的存在，有人在爱与被爱的付出与索取中感受自己的存在，而我的存在在哪儿呢，好像一个都不在，又好像无处不在。
Time does not exist; age is an illusory concept constructed by definition. Life is composed of the depth and breadth of experiences, insights, and cognition. Some feel their existence through pursuing worldly achievements, some through exploration and expansion of the mind, some through pleasures of the bustling world, and some through the give-and-take of love. But where is my existence? It feels like it belongs to none of these, and yet to all at once.

“由简入奢易，由奢入俭难。”
精神世界亦是如此。在马普所被N人笼罩的日子仿佛精神贵族，沟通成本低，交流有趣，大家既聪慧又谦虚好学更自律勤奋，在这样环境里的我也切实的感受到自己在被滋养着不断进步。
“From simplicity to luxury is easy; from luxury back to simplicity is hard.”
The same applies to the inner life. Surrounded by so many brilliant people at Max Planck, I felt like part of a spiritual aristocracy—low communication costs, fascinating conversations, people who are both smart and humble, eager to learn and disciplined. In such an environment, I truly felt nourished and continually growing.

谢谢Schwartz给我带来的感动
这一刻，我人格心理学的博士研究、人生困惑、跨文化观察全部都连上了，人还是要选择适合自己的(大小)环境才会幸福，哪怕被很多人误会，也得以释然了，夏虫不可语冰
Thank you, Schwartz, for bringing me such deep resonance.
In this moment, my PhD research in personality psychology, my personal struggles, and my cross-cultural observations all connected. One must choose environments—big or small—that truly fit oneself in order to find happiness. Even if misunderstood by many, I can now let go and find peace. After all, “summer insects cannot discuss ice.”

四海漂泊十年，渐渐的习惯了以身为家，既没有特定的文化认同与归属，低靡的时候甚至会觉得跟周遭乃至跟世界格格不入。留荷六年，感恩在这片土地上遇到的很多人，有的带给我成长，有的给予过我陪伴，还有的让我多了一分信念，后者从某种意义上来说已然是走入生命的家人了。即将暂别阿姆斯特丹，带着很多祝福与期许继续前行，拭目以待新的篇章，以及未来的我会蜕变成什么模样。
After ten years of wandering across seas, I’ve grown used to carrying “home” within myself. I no longer hold a fixed cultural identity or sense of belonging; in low moments I even feel out of place with the world around me. Six years in the Netherlands have gifted me much: some people gave me growth, some offered companionship, some instilled conviction. The latter, in a sense, have become family. Now I prepare to leave Amsterdam for a time, carrying blessings and expectations, awaiting a new chapter—and wondering what kind of transformation the future me will undergo.

写论文有感—
实际上做科研也没有捷径，无非是日积月累在各种小的细节上打磨不断精进超越自己。就像是打磨石头，在有效投入的基础上成果质量一定和投入成正比。科研既需要眼光创造力更需要匠人精神，后者是门槛是基石决定了下限，前者是buff是加持影响着上限。科研是为数不多的耍小聪明没有实效的工作，唯努力是尔。正因为此，很多老师倾向于招踏实勤快的博士生，也不断培养着博士的执行力。视角拉远来看，现代学术体系下的科研工作者不过都是人类科研长河中建造金字塔的搬砖工（这也是未来部分科研工作内容可以被AI取代的原因）。绝对的自由是不存在的，但是有选择权 吾之选择即是自由。
Thoughts on writing a dissertation—
There are no shortcuts in research; it is nothing but persistent polishing of countless small details, striving to improve and surpass oneself. Like shaping a stone, the quality of the outcome is proportional to the effort invested. Research requires both vision and creativity, but even more a craftsman’s spirit—the latter sets the floor, the former raises the ceiling. Research is one of the few professions where tricks don’t work; only diligence counts. That is why many professors prefer diligent and reliable PhD students, continually cultivating their capacity to execute. From a distance, researchers in today’s academic system are but bricklayers building pyramids in the long river of human science (which is why some parts of the work may eventually be replaced by AI). Absolute freedom does not exist, but the right to choose does. And my choice is my freedom.

在罗马 梵蒂冈🇻🇦感受 神性与人性、理性、兽性… 当然了，既没躲过罗马的小偷也没躲过酷暑暴晒带来的热伤风…
岁月静好并不存在，走出学术的象牙塔、跟真实世界交手的过程总令人措手不及、瞠目结舌。两次意大利之行，都是坚定信仰之行，就像那句话说的, “What makes me happy? The fact that I carry my cross by myself.”
In Rome and the Vatican 🇻🇦 I felt divinity and humanity, reason and instinct… Of course, I didn’t escape either the pickpockets of Rome or the heatstroke from the scorching sun.
There is no such thing as “peaceful years.” Stepping out of the academic ivory tower and confronting the real world is always startling and overwhelming. Both of my trips to Italy became pilgrimages of conviction. As the saying goes: “What makes me happy? The fact that I carry my cross by myself.”

获取信息的能力是人很重要的能力。
从各种渠道获取信息，可以省去很多不必要的开销，或者争取到很多潜在机会，同时信息差也是很多商业变现的底层逻辑。
这个世界上的资源、机会实际上很多，与其在牢笼里不停的内卷与勾心斗角，不如向外开拓更多资源、在合作中共创共赢。
The ability to acquire information is a vital human capacity.

By drawing from multiple sources, one can save needless costs or seize hidden opportunities. Information asymmetry, after all, is the underlying logic behind many forms of profit-making.
The world is full of resources and opportunities. Rather than endlessly competing and scheming within a cage, why not look outward, broaden resources, and co-create through cooperation?

要是研究领域是姑娘，那我可真是见一个爱一个的渣男… 是真的全部都想要阿，可真诚了[皱眉]
我现在完全理解渣男心理了，适合过日子的没有新鲜感，有新鲜感的指不定过一阵就腻了
If research fields were girls, I’d truly be a playboy—I fall in love with every one I meet. Honestly, I want them all [frown].
Now I completely understand the “playboy mindset”: the ones suitable for long-term life feel lacking in novelty, while the novel ones may soon lose their charm.

仪式感拉满的runner-up[破涕为笑]
不光有奖状、报告、还有手写贺卡、甚至开完会的晚上还收到了感谢邮件，我又发现了一个行走在人间的天使…
一如科学有边界，理性同样有边界，最终打动人心的还是溢于言表的赤诚与真情，不管是从committee chair身上还是朋友身上都深刻感受到了这一点
博士最后一次KLI会议圆满结束，最圆满的是在听了太多很好的报告之后愈发意识到了我还有太大成长空间而这只是一个起点，像是与同样攀爬珠峰的朋友们暂别，让我们各自努力高处再见

A runner-up with full ceremony [tears and laughter].
Not only a certificate and a presentation, but also handwritten cards, and even a thank-you email the same evening after the meeting. I discovered yet another angel walking among us…
Just as science has boundaries, so does rationality. What truly touches people are sincerity and genuine feeling—something I felt deeply from both the committee chair and friends.
My last KLI conference as a PhD concluded perfectly. The truest fulfillment, however, came from realizing—after listening to so many excellent talks—that I still have much room to grow. This is just the beginning, a temporary farewell with fellow climbers of Everest. Let us each keep climbing, and meet again at the summit.

今日份治愈—
“贪心是想抱好多东西到自己的房子里，野心是想改变世界”
从这个角度来看，我的确是一个有野心的人。纠结了几天，想明白了(至少对我而言)生命本没有意义，还是要自己赋予一些意义，既然来了，希望我的存在能为这个世界带来一些什么，在这个人文追不上科技、理性制肘着人性的时代，闪耀出自己的光芒。从这个角度看，心理学真的是很好的切入点了，我选择了她，她也选择了我。给我十年，希望我的能力能够匹配的上我的野心
Today’s dose of healing—

“Greed is wanting to gather many things into your own house; ambition is wanting to change the world.”
From this perspective, I truly am ambitious. After days of reflection, I realized (at least for me) that life itself has no inherent meaning—it’s up to us to give it meaning. Since I am here, I hope my existence brings something to this world. In an era where technology races ahead of the humanities and rationality restrains human nature, may I shine my own light. Psychology, in this sense, is the perfect entry point. I chose her, and she chose me. Give me ten years—may my ability match my ambition.

上联：Incentivizing Quantity at the Expense of Quality
下联：Encouraging Long-Term Goals but Rewarding Short-Term Results
横批：When More is Less
Couplet: Incentivizing Quantity at the Expense of Quality

Matching line: Encouraging Long-Term Goals but Rewarding Short-Term Results
Horizontal inscription: When More is Less

#今日份感悟
耍小聪明，是在卖出长期关系的看涨期权
短视，也是不道德行为的根源之一
而稀缺(不只是物质更是认知层面）则是短视的根源

#Today’s reflection
Clever tricks are like selling a call option on long-term relationships.
Short-sightedness is one root of immoral behavior.
And scarcity (not just material, but cognitive as well) is the root of short-sightedness.

「遵循热爱，承担使命，被自由意志铸造的生命将不断演化，生生不息」
“Follow your passion, shoulder your mission; a life forged by free will will keep evolving, endlessly and ceaselessly.”

Academics be like 在“自说自话的学术游戏”体系与规训下、干着很多纳税人看来毫无现实效用、并且很快就可以被AI取代的低阶脑力劳动（可能甚至连取代的必要都没有）、领着同等学历里最微薄的薪资、从事着work-life balance最烂的行业、过着居无定所 以身为家 为了工作四处迁徙的生活。
#搞学术改变不了世界 （不是我想退圈，而是希望致力于改善世界）
#希望有生之年学术界这么多聪明人可以作为一下改善学术人的生存现状以及学术的实用价值，突然在想science skepticism不应该只blame民众，academia that breeds ‘science’ shall also to be blamed😄
Academics be like—working under a “self-referential academic game” system and discipline, doing intellectual labor that taxpayers often see as useless, low-level tasks soon replaceable by AI (perhaps not even worth replacing), earning the lowest salaries among equally educated groups, in a field with the worst work-life balance, leading a rootless life, moving everywhere for work, carrying home within.

#AcademiaCan’tChangeTheWorld (Not that I want to quit, but that I want to improve the world)
#InMyLifetime I hope that with so many brilliant people in academia, they can also work on improving academics’ living conditions and the practical value of science. Suddenly I think—science skepticism shouldn’t only blame the public; academia that breeds “science” should also take the blame 😄

我又悟了😄 看导师们在我response letter上给的反馈，感受到了“(态度)该软的时候软，该硬的时候硬”，再具体一点就是“无所谓的问题上软，有所谓的问题上硬，还要十分坚定，有理有据不妥协”，是我的风格了，我爱我的导师们
Another insight 😄 Reading my supervisors’ feedback on my response letter, I realized: “Be soft when it’s time to be soft, be firm when it’s time to be firm.” More concretely: “On unimportant issues, yield. On important issues, stand firm—be unyielding, rational, and well-argued.” That’s my style. I love my supervisors.

“Only empirical evidence counts.”是现代科学的奠基石，但是又引发了诸如p-hacking等各种questionable research practices导致研究不可重复从而影响科学可信度、以及过于注重方法革新而忽略了问题本身和追本溯源等问题… 过犹不及，期待未来峰回路转哈哈
“Only empirical evidence counts” is the cornerstone of modern science. But it has also led to questionable research practices such as p-hacking, irreproducible results undermining scientific credibility, and excessive focus on methodological innovation while neglecting the core problems and their roots… Too much is as bad as too little. I look forward to a turning point in the future, haha.

又发现了好玩的文献—
1）独处的好处（包括但不限于内心的安宁 休憩 自省 避世 情绪调节 想象创造 接近自然 自我发现…）以及
2）不同人格特质的人独处的时候都在干啥，简单概括就是内向的人在逃避社交然后自省、情绪丰富的人在调节情绪、经验开放高的人在逃避不舒服的社交然后探索世界找乐子、尽责审慎特别高的在卷🤣
*Another fun set of papers I found—

1. The benefits of solitude (including but not limited to inner peace, rest, self-reflection, withdrawal, emotion regulation, imagination and creativity, connection with nature, self-discovery…)
2. What people with different personality traits do when alone. In short: introverts avoid socializing and reflect; those high in emotionality regulate emotions; those high in openness avoid unpleasant socializing and explore the world for fun; those very high in conscientiousness keep grinding 🤣*

希望AI快点发展，帮我执行我脑子里的具体步骤，我就负责动动脑子指点江山，来自一个想象力巨人行动力废物的白日梦😶‍🌫️哈哈哈哈… 所以说博士生是科研民工呢，要是能跳过民工直接做PI就好了哈哈哈哈
然后要是能把我的知识技能全部通过芯片上传到AI就好了，我复制100个我自己帮我干活
俗称 影分身之术
然后再派影分身去学不同的领域 然后收回来的时候我就拥有了100个领域的知识 然后就可以做好玩的跨领域研究了

所以影分身之术为什么是禁术呢
I hope AI develops faster—so it can execute the detailed steps in my mind, while I just think and strategize. A daydream from an imagination giant but an action weakling 😶‍🌫️ hahaha. That’s why PhD students are academic laborers; if only I could skip that stage and be a PI directly!
And if I could upload all my knowledge and skills into a chip and replicate 100 versions of myself to do the work…
That would be the “Shadow Clone Technique.”

I’d send each clone to study a different field, then reclaim them to master knowledge across 100 domains, and do fun interdisciplinary research.
But then—why is the Shadow Clone Technique forbidden?

认识自己是获得幸福的必要不充分条件
Knowing oneself is a necessary but not sufficient condition for happiness.

回母校见了研究生导师，他一如既往懒洋洋的 却笑颜如花，真诚的笑意止不住的洋溢在脸上，又是一年未见，时光似是蹉跎了他的容颜，不改的是他内敛却温暖的心灵。听我诉说着对科学的厚爱、对学术体系的失望、人生、理想、政治、文化，欣慰的脸颊仿佛在说“我家孩子长大了”… 感觉我们性格还真挺像，怪不得有缘分成为师生… 走在路上突然在想，我似是有被命运眷顾的磁场，总能吸引到最高贵的灵魂们，时光流转，见过了形形色色的人，筛留在生命里的都是最珍贵的灵魂，感恩遇见
Visited my alma mater and met my graduate advisor again. He was as leisurely as ever, but his smile was radiant, genuine joy spilling from his face. Another year had passed—time had left marks on his features, but not on his warm and restrained soul. Listening to me speak of my love for science, my disappointment in the academic system, my life, ideals, politics, culture—his expression seemed to say, “My child has grown up.” I realized our personalities are alike; no wonder fate brought us together as teacher and student. Walking away, I thought: perhaps I carry a magnet blessed by destiny, always attracting the noblest souls. Time flows, faces come and go, but those who remain in my life are the most precious. Grateful for these encounters.